I'm a liar.
I've always been a liar. Mainly to myself, denying my own feelings and thoughts, and I analyse the lie with -why? Why am I insisting on not being truthful. It's the most frustrating thing I deal with.
I'm too closed off, in classes I say that I'm not nervous, today I was truthful, acting out a pice from a book in front of one man, and clearly I was nervous. There was no where to hide. I sped through the piece, and i felt nothing, I felt nothing of when acting out this piece. Chris drew the truth from me, I'm nervous and unwilling to give my all, I want to I just won't go to a place that makes and audience believe in me. I have ability, I just won't give my best, all of me.
I must give something of myself, no one will believe in me, I must believe myself, open up.
Talking about the past and releasing parts of myself to a stranger felt good, it was a weight lifted from my shoulders.
I won't be good enough being this guarded. I can be whoever I want to be in this class. I can stop being laid back Kieran, I can be open and make a change in me.
